Dear Awkward August
Dear August,
Do you know how freaking awkward you are?
Especially this year, you just feel really, really awkward.
I have nothing against you, August, at all. Some of my favorite people have birthdays this month!
But being the planner that I am, I sometimes find myself impatient for the next thing: the next big holiday or event, the next trip, or the next phase of a project. This isn’t necessarily a good thing, it’s just how my mind naturally tends to process, but as a result I’ve really been trying to make myself stop and enjoy the time I’m in at the moment. It’s a very intentional thing and isn’t always easy.
So, taking stock, I love that after having something happening almost every weekend, we can sit at home all night and veg out, just me and Wervyn, both together and alone.
I love that I’m in the middle of a job hunt, so my schedule is mine to plan. The world and time are my oyster, and I can spend it on anything I want, and when I use my time wisely, it’s a truly beautiful, productive thing.
Speaking of productive, I’ve had more time to work on my various art projects. Some are almost finished. Some unfinished ones I’m picking up again so I can give them as gifts. Some are brand new but long-awaited. There are sill deadlines, but I have time to reach them comfortably!
My novel is once again getting more complicated as I evaluate great feedback I’ve been getting and think about edits. I see a million different ways I could go with it, and I wish I had an agent who could guide me to the best solution, because I don’t know which one to follow. (I just want to have a published, polished book, is that too much to ask? :P) It’s another place I hate being stuck in, regardless of the time of year. But I have been getting some great ideas for Draft 6 that make me excited, so that’s awesome 😀
I’m restless when I contemplate the next phases of potential employment, as well as continuing in my art and the rest of my life. But I think I’ve come a long way in trying to bring balance to my life, especially I have time to manage it now! It’s something I’ve prayed about and worked towards, so I feel very proud of that. That’s one thing that I also relish during this awkward in-between time of year.
And I’m pleasantly surprised to realize that the weather is only getting better. After a broiling hot summer, when we go walking in evenings as the sun sinks, it’s actually starting to feel cool, and without that nip in the air. I noticed that I was a little warm but incredibly comfortable on our walk yesterday, and that’s a beautiful weather phenomena for someone who is almost always too hot or too cold.
But inevitably, I admire that the humidity is fading, and I remember how even though it still feels warm, all the schools are in session again. And then I start to get excited because I know that autumnnnn is just around the corner.
Less than 2 weeks til Dragon*Con, and next is Talk Like a Pirate Day, then Halloween, Werv’s & my anniversary, Thanksgiving, my birthday, Christmas and New Years.
OMG it’s like I’m going up a hill on a roller coaster and I just want to reach the top because the suspense is killing me!
Okay, me, deeeeep breaths. Deep breaths.
I’m in the deep breath before the plunge. One long drawn-out breath. And in that moment I am quiet, anxiety stinging in my lungs as it strains pleasantly against the air I’m taking in.
And as I start thinking how summer is slipping away, and how the cicadas and the hibiscus and honeysuckle will die off, I start to feel nostalgic for summer, and all the time I have right now, before the holiday rush. Of course I do. Because I can’t take myself anywhere.
Might as well stop and enjoy it! 😀
(I just realized that this is a common theme for me recently. Maybe I’ll learn it someday.)